A few years ago, I picked my eldest up from school. We rushed home so she would have a few minutes to decompress before I required her to do half her homework. She just managed to finish, and dinner was on the table. She had worked hard and earned a few more minutes of play before I scooted her into her bedroom to put on her dance pieces and then was whisked away with dad for an hour of dance class. She came home jazzed at how well it had gone and was immediately guided back to the table so she could finish her homework. By the time her homework was done, a shower taken and pajamas on it was 8pm and she was crying because she hadn't had any real time to play or read her book. I was just as exhausted as she was and closed her bedroom door for the night wondering how we were supposed to get everything done. She was in first grade.
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While there is value in learning to manage responsibilities and playtime, I firmly believe that balance is learned over time. As I dimmed the lights in the house for the evening, I was suddenly struck by the realization at how young we start the frenetic pace of busyness in our culture. Is this what I wanted my girls to learn from me? Pushing aside self-care and family time in favor of always being on the go?
It's no secret our culture values work. It is the measuring stick we use to determine success, self-worth and social standing. With a certain amount of pride, we compare the hours we've spent "on the job". We are always accessible. Our phones never switching off in fear we will miss that text, that phone call, that will require our immediate attention. And so, we move through life with the constant expectation of being needed and never embrace the gift of rest.
I get it. As an entrepreneur, I feel the struggle. I need to be constantly posting, creating content, researching, creating products and moving my business forward. If I don't, wont I lose the progress I've made? Won't someone who CAN dedicate the time and energy I refuse to come in overnight and pick up where I've left off. I can't afford to rest because it would mean the end of all that I've built. At least, that's the lie I allow myself to believe.
But what exactly is at stake? What am I giving up all in the name of "success" and who defines "success" anyway?
Let's set aside the obvious for a moment. As a mother, always being "on" means that I am not always available for my kids or my family and there's definitely something there to unpack. But let's just talk for a minute about personally. What is at stake for ME when I refuse to slow down, even for a day? One word.
Burnout.
When I refuse to slow down, for a day, a weekend a month or even a couple weeks a year, I run the risk of losing sight of why I do what I do in the first place. I forget to dream. To imagine what life would look like if...and then fill in the blank. I miss out on celebrating and championing what others in my field are doing. I miss out on discovering inspiration in unexpected places.
Studies show that there is a correlation between burnout and cognitive function. These same studies also recommend that you take up to two weeks of vacation a year AND at least one day off a week where you allow your brain to just relax. You can read more about those studies HERE.
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So, what if we redefined what success looks like. What if instead of how many followers we have on Instagram or how many dollars we generate in our bank accounts it was more about how fulfilled we feel in what we do? What if we looked at the work life balance we create? What if we looked at the quality of life we lived? What if those things were more important than allowing someone else to label me a "success" or not. I'm willing to bet this kind of "success" would allow for us to truly embrace rest and quiet and slowing down which is so necessary to our physical and mental well being.
With all this in mind, my husband and I are constantly re-evaluating what we choose to be involved in and what we say yes to. We want our children to have a life free from the hectic pace of the culture and to have the space to find the creativity and joy that is so often found only in the moments you are quiet enough to see it. What about you? Is there an area in your life you could schedule some margin into? Is there something you could say "no" to so that you could say "yes" to a better quality of life? I'd love to hear, let me know in the comments below!
